my choice

Ever since I was 12 years old I have been taking care of children pretty much non stop. My life has been filled with teaching kids and nurturing them and loving them as if they were my own. I haven't babysat a child since last March and it feels good to not have that responsibility anymore. Not have to hear crying and whining. Not having to wipe snotty noses and dirty butts. Not having to deal with the tantrums and hissy fits. It has been nice to not have to be quiet for the afternoon during their nap times. I am thankful that I had those experiences because now I don't have to ruin my own kids by having them and realizing this is not what I want. Because when you have your own kids you don't get to walk away from them, you are stuck there for life, like it or not.

I love kids, they are a lot of fun. I love buying fun toys and cute clothes for other peoples kids. They say some of the funniest and wittiest things sometimes. Their innocence is fun to be around. I enjoyed watching the kids we did have. But I don't want any of my own. And I especially have NO desire to give birth to my own. Someday down the line IF I do want kids I would absolutely foster a child or adopt. But it wouldn't be a baby it would be an older child, like over the age of 7 or 8 or older.

I enjoy my life without kids in it. I enjoy being able to go where I want when I want without having to wrestle with a child to get their shoes and jackets on. I enjoy my t.v. being Dora the Explorer FREE!

Another more serious reason why I will never give birth to my own child is because I am afraid of pregnancy and childbirth. Not the pain, but the fear of dying during it. My mom had a lot of problems having my sister and they both almost died. I also have PCOS (which I will discuss in an upcoming blog,) just like my mom did, which causes infertility so it probably wouldn't even be possible for me to get pregnant and I would NEVER go through fertility treatments. I don't want to end up with triplets or more! And I also don't want to put my body through that craziness. Plus, I feel like when someone goes through fertility treatments their labor doesn't progress the way it does when someone doesn't go through treatments. It's almost like for whatever reason their bodies just aren't made for pregnancy and it shouldn't be messed with. So I am saving myself all the stress and sadness and just not going to do it. And I couldn't be happier. But at the same time my heart goes out to all the women who have fertility problems and who desperately try to have a baby and feel like their lives won't be fulfilled until they give birth. That must be so frustrating to have your body fail you time and time again.

I see moms/dads out at the store and they look so miserable and unhappy, now I'm not saying that ALL moms/dads feel this way, but the majority of them that I've seen do. And that just doesn't look like fun to me. Sleepless nights, waking up early, the strain on your marriage, it just sounds like a truly miserable life. I mean sure there are good things that come from parenting, but nothing that looks appealing to me.

I have waited so long to share my life with someone and once I find that person I want to focus ALL my attention on only them. I am glad that I know what I want in this life. I am proud that I can speak up and be confident in my choice of not having a baby. I am glad that I don't have to have a child then be miserable and realize this is not what I want and be trapped, because that is not fair to the child. I am excited when I think of my future with my mate. I am excited to experience new things and be able to live a fantastic and fun child free adult life.