Tuesday's with nanny...and other childhood memories

I have never told these stories/written them in a journal/told anyone these stories in my life. As I was writing this blog all the memories rushed back and I remembered everything as if it happened yesterday....

I remember some of my favorite childhood memories were spent on Tuesday's.

From the ages of about 10-16 every Tuesday was my night to spend with Nanny and Papa. That was my night to feel special and have the attention all on me. Nanny and I would go for walks, or bake together or she would play gin rummy with me. And at nights sometimes we would take bubble baths together (only when I was 10 not when I got older). I remember we would be taking a bath and Papa would come in with a cold cup of water and pour it on us and make us squeal. I can still hear Nanny yell "babe" as the ice cold water ran over our bodies. He would go back to his recliner laughing his butt off. His laugh filled the house.

Then when it was time for bed she would sleep with me (only when I was 10 not when I got older) in "the grand kids room" and she would tell the best ghost stories.

"Who will come and stay with me this dark cold stormy night...and this little voice said...I will."

That was my favorite story she told, and she did it with great "spooky" voice inflection too. Then we would snuggle down and keep warm on the cold winter nights.

It was some of the best times of my life.

Every Friday was mine and my sisters night to spend there together. We would play High Nice (a card game) and eat pretzels with Nanny and Papa. Then when they went to bed C (my sister) and I would lay in the living room floor and watch dirty movies on HBO. I remember one of the first dirty movies I saw was this woman who took this bright red lipstick and went around and around her breast until she got to the nipple then stuck the lipstick inside and it disappeared, I was amazed. Of course it didn't actually go inside her nipple, it was just an effect, but at 11 years old I thought it was real. I loved being naive.

I look at Nanny now and I can't see who she used to be...all I see is this damn disease that is taking her away from me one memory at a time. I wish she could remember our Tuesday's together.

Out of all of my good memories of Nanny there are also some bad ones.

When I was around 14 I guess, I stole a cigarette from a friend (without him knowing). I took that cigarette to Nanny's house and that night I was in my room alone and after about 45 minutes I finally got the courage up to light it. I opened the window and puffed it a little, I didn't inhale. Then in a panic I ran to the bathroom and opened the window there (I'm not sure why the bathroom was better then the bedroom) but I just remember running in there.

Well as soon as I got in there the door started to open and I threw the cigarette in the toilet and closed the lid and flushed it. Nanny came in and asked if I was smoking...I said "no" my face was beet red from getting caught. She said she can smell it in my bedroom and in here so she knew I was lying. I turned on the shower to act like that is why I was in there and she opened the toilet lid and found the cigarette that didn't go down when I flushed it! She asked how that got there, I lied and said I didn't know.

She went to bed and my hands began to shake from getting caught. I went to bed and the next morning I was washing dishes at the sink and she came up and said "let's talk about smoking." My heart sank. I don't remember the full conversation, but it ended up with her saying that if I never smoke again then she won't tell my mom. I agreed and never touched a cigarette again.

I don't even know why I did in the first place...I guess that was one of my few moments of rebellion.

My other moment of rebellion was after my Papa died. It was one year later and I was 16 years old. Nanny had some surgery on her varicose veins in her legs on Valentine's Day, so I said that I would stay with her that night to take care of her. Well she went to bed and I remember feeling very sad and down about his death...and once I heard Nanny snoring I went into the kitchen and got into the cabinet and got out the wine. I poured me a glass and went back to the living room and drank that down. Then I got another glass full...after that I don't remember what happened.

I do remember snippets of that night. Nanny had this bell that if she needed me to help her up that night she would ring it and I would wake up and come help her get up out of bed. Well I remember hearing it ring and waking up and stumbling down the hallway running into the wall of family pictures. When I got into her room I ran into the door and she said "what's wrong" I slurred something and I don't remember much after that. I then woke up the next morning smelling of vomit and I was naked but had on a bath robe. When I went into the living room there was vomit on the couch. I quickly started cleaning it up thinking that she didn't know what I did. Well she knew.

I heard her on the phone to my mom and she called me into her room and my mom talked to me on the phone. She said "did you drink last night" I tried to lie but in the end I told her the truth. She said I know you didn't mean to get drunk, so I won't tell you father. She did tell me to go apologize to Nanny, so after I got off the phone I did...but I could see the hurt in her eyes...so I don't think she fully forgave me.

I still feel so bad about that night. I let my Nanny down...and now it's too late to apologize to her because she wouldn't know what I was saying anyway.

Moral to this story is when you do something wrong, make it right with that person because you never know what will happen to them tomorrow. Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today.


For privacy reasons I am only going to refer to my sister as "C"