Six

Six people that I want to say things to.

1. You are a worthless human being and a lousy father. The day I screamed “fuck you” in your face (three times in a row) and gave you the finger was the best day ever. To say that to your face was a release of anger, frustration and hatred that I had built up for you. I’m glad you’re out of our life. I just feel bad that your kids and soon-to-be ex-wife still have to put up with your bullshit. I have forgiven you (because it’s the right thing to do) but I never want to see you or speak to you again. Good riddens to BAD rubbish!

2. There’s so much I want to say to you, yet don’t know where to even begin. I love you….but in the same breath you drive me crazy at times…..a lot of the times. I wish you would have the desire to do more with your life than what you are doing. I can’t stand how you put more value and thought into writing a fucking fiction story than you do getting your life started. Writing that story is not going to allow you to meet a potential mate/friends. Why can’t you have the desire to grow up!? Sometimes I just want to scream because I’m afraid you’re going to be the one to hold me back because I will feel guilt. But I have to let go of that guilt somehow and show you that I AM changing. I haven’t written in the fiction story in over a week because I’M CHANGING! I am growing. I am spreading my tightly wrapped wings. I want my own life away from you.

3. I wish I could say I don’t have any regrets from anything that has happened with you, but that would be a lie. I wish I knew what was the last thing you remember about me? Was it the time I sassed you because you were frustrating me with how you constantly were going through our bathroom drawers and moving things around? Or was it the time that I slammed my glass down on the kitchen table (splashing my drink all the way to the wall) because you wouldn’t eat and made mom get so mad that she screamed (which was also the first and only time I ever heard my dad say fuck) Or was it one of the countless meals I fed you? I love you and miss the Tuesday nights I used to spend with you.

4. Oh how I miss you. The day you died a part of each of us died along with you. I miss your infectious laugh, your flat top hair. I miss the way you used to “tweak” my nose every time before bed. I miss everything about you. I wish I would have told you more that I loved you. I wish I would have given you more hugs. I miss our Friday night card games.

5. I lay in bed nightly and think about you. I have dreams about you and I even have fantasies about you. You have me captivated and I stand in awe of you. I dream of your arms wrapping around me and holding me tight. I imagine your lips against mine. I imagine your body laying next to me. I dream about the day I get to look into your eyes and tell you all that you mean to me. When I think that I could be just 4 short months away from seeing you, like for real, I get butterflies and tingles deep down in my stomach.

6. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to have apprehensions about the future. But, you HAVE to find your own voice and make your own path. If you let anyone take your dreams away or make them seem unattainable then you only got yourself to blame for losing them. Don’t be held back by guilt because if you do then you will end up a 30 year old woman STILL at home! Do you want that? NO! So for the first time in your FUCKING life think about yourself and make our dreams come true. Who knows, maybe you will inspire someone else to get their own life as well?

I wanna be with you

This song says everything I want to happen with him. There are no words that can explain it any better than these lyrics.



I try but I can't seem to get myself
To think of anything but you
Your breath on my face, your warm gentle kiss
I taste the truth, I taste the truth
We know what I came here for
So I won't ask for more

I wanna be with you, if only for a night
To be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight
I wanna be with you, there's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you, yeah

So I'll hold you tonight
Like I would if you were mine to hold forevermore
And I'll savor each touch
That I wanted so much to feel before, to feel before
How beautiful it is
Just to be like this

I wanna be with you, if only for a night
To be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight
I wanna be with you, there's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you

Oh, baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
It drives me crazy when I try to
So come on and take my hand
Can you make my wish, baby, your command? Yeah

I wanna be with you, there's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you, oh, yeah, I wanna be with you
Wanna be with you, yeah

I wanna be, I wanna be with you, yeah, yeah
I wanna be, I wanna be, baby
I wanna be, I wanna be with you, yeah
Wanna be with you

This moment is all there is

Will there be tomorrow
Tell me how can you be sure
There ain't always next season
There ain't always an open door

Life is dear, don't you waste it
The future no one can see
So step aside and let it be
Tomorrow may wash away
Don't put off what you do today
Take advantage while you are here
'Cause this moment is all there is

Do you smell the flowers
While they are still here in bloom
Does there have to be a reason
If you don't think we'll be gone real soon

Life is here can you taste it
The future no one can see
So step aside and let it be
Tomorrow may wash away
Don't put off what you do today
Take advantage while you are here
'Cause this moment is all there is

Don't live in fear and weakness
Don't live and hide it all, does your
Your ability to taste the sweetness, sweetness
And that is what we are here for

Life is real, don't you fake it
Oh the future no one can see
So step aside and let it be
Tomorrow may wash away
Don't put off what you do today
Take advantage while you are here
'Cause this moment is all there is, there is

This moment
The future no one can see
So step aside and just let it be
Don't wait for tomorrow

It's time

It’s time to grow up
it’s time to be me
it’s time to show the world who I am
today I realized that I don’t want to live this make believe land anymore
it’s fun writing and using my mind to create things
but I want to create my own life too
I want to be who I’m meant to be
I’m 26 and a half years old
and it’s time
it’s time
it’s time

I can’t be a child forever
even though for the last 9 years
I wasn’t able to move on
I can’t keep using that as an excuse
I have to move past it
I have to look to the future
I have to live by the saying that I hold dear to my heart
“Live each day as if it was your last”
I can’t live my life for anyone else
if I piss people off
SO BE IT
if “C” feels left behind
that’s HER problem
she has to find her own passion also
which is NOT my passion
she said she wants to be a ‘stay at home mom’
I don’t
how is she supposed to find the other half
to make babies if she won’t get out?
I can’t think about her too much
or I get too upset and pissed off
she’s almost 30.….
and can’t get her life started
life is passing us by each day
and I’m tired of standing still

I have to move
I have to breathe
I have to feel life
I have to grow up
I can’t feel bad
I can’t feel like I’m leaving her behind
because if she wants to stand still
and let life pass her by
SO BE IT

nine years…frozen in time
but now
it’s time
it’s time
it’s time



Come with me, and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin, with a spin
Traveling in a world of my creation
What we'll see will defy explanation

And if you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be

And if you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be