clique

I didn't go to public school, instead I was home schooled. For the most part it was fine, however, I often wish that I had gone to public school. I feel I missed out on a huge part of my life, socially that is. I didn't get to go to school dances or have many friends. I never got to have a boyfriend in high school. I never got to experience the things teens experience, and for that I feel really left out.

I often wonder though what clique I would have been in. As weird as it sounds I feel like I would have been in the outcast/goth clique. There was a time in my teen years where all I wanted to wear was black, and if my mom had let me I probably would have worn it everyday, but she ripped that away from me and didn't let me be me. She wouldn't let me dress the way I wanted because she thought it was weird. But had I been allowed to dress how I wanted, I would have worn black most of the time. And I'm sure I would have gone down a very dark road had I been with other kids.

I think I would have been one of the kids to do bad things. Like I probably would have tried drugs. I was, and still am, very impressionable and very much a follower and not a leader. So had I been offered to try drugs I probably would have. Or if someone had wanted to have sex I'm sure I would have. That sounds awful to say, but it's the truth.

Looking back I'm sure it was best and safest that I was home and didn't have the bad influences......BUT all those experiences allow kids to make right decisions when they grow up. It allows them their time for fun then they can move into a more adult life and look forward to getting married etc. It also allows them to become their own people and create their own personalities. It allows them to know where in this world they fit. But I will never get to know who I would have become had I been able to have those experiences. Now I get to live with who I am and try to figure out where in this world I fit.