10.29. My Birthday

Birthday's....a time to grow. A time to look back and see how much you have changed. And a time to look to the future and see what you want to achieve. The biggies...1. 10. 13. 16. 18. and 21 all very important birthdays, each one is a HUGE milestone and a big deal. 26....not such a big deal. As I look back on this past year I don't see a whole lot of change. Which is disappointing.

The one thing that I did accomplish that I was really wanting to, is getting my drivers license. Yes, I was a 25 year old without an offical licence. It's a long story. Another thing that I am in the process of achieving is losing weight. I haven't been this weight in YEARS! It feels good to see change, and even though this is a slow change, this is a change that is going to continue until I reach my goal.

I have always enjoyed my birthday, especially since it's so close to Halloween. I tell people that my ACTUAL birthday is October 31st, instead of October 29th lol. I mean come on, couldn't my mom have held her legs together for just two more lousy days? One of these birthdays I will have a costume party for my birthday. *sigh* someday.

Over the past year people have come into my life, and left my life. My life is so much easier now that certain people are out of it. I didn't realize what stress they put on me. People are brought into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. From the instant you meet someone you know right away which one it's going to be....or most of the time you know right away. Other times you realize it when it's too late and the damage has already been done. The damage this person has caused is irreversible and I am glad to be rid of her.

I always feel sad when my birthday rolls around. And that is mainly due to the fact that nothing in my life is changing and all i'm doing is getting OLDER! I want to have just one birthday where I can truly, fully, completely enjoy it and look forward to the year ahead...instead I will paint on a fake smile, try to conjure up a few laughs and in the end I will go to bed crying myself to sleep like every year.

Even though I might sound like I am miserable here at home helping with my grandma, I have learned so much and have grown alot. I have found an inner strenth inside of me that I didn't know I had. I have had to do things that I REALLY didn't want to do (ie. cleaning up vomit while holding my own vomit back...cleaning up countless poop messes that showed me that I truly have a very strong stomach...ect.) I am honored to be able to do what i'm doing at this moment in my life. And it gives me something to look forward to for my future life.

Happy birthday to me.